Touch
by Historyexplorer12
Summary: For Alexander's birthday! Hephaestion and Alexander often communicate through touch. Disclaimer: Alexander and Hephaestion are not mine! Warnings: swearing, m/m establish relationship, rated T for safety


**AN: For Alexander's birthday! This story is not birthday-themed, but I hope it will suffice anyway. Enjoy! Happy birthday, Alexander!**

Alexander could not sleep. No matter what he did, Morpheus evaded him. He had tossed and turned and stretched for hours until he finally resigned himself to not sleeping and had gotten out of bed. But as he stared down at Hephaestion he found himself aching to join him once more. So he climbed into their bed once again and laid down beside his lover, reaching out to touch him even as he slept soundly.

For them both, touch was an important part of communication. Depending on the placement and kind of touch it was, a touch could mean several things. "I love you" was most common, but it was becoming less and less frequent and the grasping of a chiton's clasp and strap or even any fabric of the kind, which meant "Stay" and "I miss you" were becoming more prevalent. With Roxana in the midst of another risky pregnancy, the lovers' attentions were on other things rather than on each other.

As such, one of Hephaestion's most common touches was becoming more of a worry and a need than a sign of affection, although Alexander always knew he cared when this kind of touch was employed. It meant "Eat," and was a simple grabbing of food off of Alexander's plate (usually fruit of some sort) and holding it gently to Alexander's lips as he did as silently commanded and ate whatever treat Hephaestion had in hand. That, and the look of challenge and warning he gave Alexander always had Alexander eating, lest he irk Hephaestion's displeasure.

So when Alexander reached out to caress Hephaestion's sleeping features now, his message was not "It is time to wake up," but rather "You are beautiful." And even if Hephaestion was asleep, Alexander knew he understood, for he turned his head into the touch, wrinkled his nose, and snuffled softly before waking up groggily.

"Ale- Xander, what?" His speech incoherent with sleep, he lifted his head up from the pillow and blinked at his soulmate.

"Shh, shush… I did not mean to wake you. I am sorry. Go back to sleep."

Hephaestion only blinked at him again, more awake now, "What are you doing up? What time is it?"

"It is hours before dawn. I could not sleep."

Hephaestion only stared at him now, green eyes lidded with the thoughts of murder Alexander knew were going through his mind. Hephaestion was a bit of an insomniac, although his inability to sleep often came from work-related issues and worries more so than anything else. He often found himself awake at night and writing letters to people he knew were asleep at whatever time of night it was. The precious sleep he did get was light, and anything could wake him and then keep him up for hours. Alexander's insomnia such as he was facing now was much less frequent and he was usually a heavy sleeper besides.

"Are you telling me," Hephaestion began slowly, still staring at his soulmate, "that you woke me knowing I do not get enough sleep at night because you could not sleep?!"

Alexander had drawn back from his bedmate, feeling very small and afraid, "Y-yes?"

"Argh! Damn you, Alexander! You know I have been working late to making sure Roxana and the babe are safe and healthy! And I am tired!"

"All right, all right, hush. I am sorry. So, so sorry. I know how hard you are working for our family and our baby boy. You deserve to sleep. So sleep. I will be right here when you awaken again. I love you. I always will. Go on and sleep, Love. I am sorry I upset you. I know how difficult sleep is for you. Sleep well," Hephaestion only huffed and turned over, away from Alexander. Alexander scooted closer cautiously, knowing of his lover's notorious anger, "Phai?"

There was a loud grunt from his bedmate, but after a moment Phai did turn his head toward him, "Hm? What is it, Alexander?"

"I truly can not sleep. Will you- um…"

"Xander?" Now he was concerned.

Alexander tried again; even after these years, he still had trouble asking Hephaestion for things he wanted, "I can not sleep, Phai. Will you please h-hold me?"

Hephaestion looked surprised, but did as asked with little more than a grumble. He knew that it was sometimes hard for Alexander to ask for things. He also knew that his Golden One preferred being submissive when they were alone. Hephaestion was all too happy to give his true love a rest from the domineering part of his personality that, at most times, won out against his true self.

When Alexander was safe and warm curled against him, Hephaestion hushed in his ear, "There you are. Safe and warm. Now sleep, I have you. I will not let go," he continued, knowing that one of Alexander's darkest fears was losing or being separated from him.

"I am sorry I woke you…" Alexander stroked the hand that lay across his own covered chest, head turned downward and voice nearly inaudible.

"I am sorry that I do not wake as easily as you, but there is no reason to be sorry. It was what you wanted and needed, and I will never deny you such things. Even if you do wake me in the darkest hours of the night."

Alexander remained silent at this statement, his arms entangled with Hephaestion's as they held Alexander close, melding their naked bodies nearly into one. At his precious king's silence, Hephaestion kissed the back of his neck gently, the fine blond curls at Alexander's nape tickling his mouth and nose. This kiss signaled that Alexander was "Safe" and he relaxed with a sigh, going completely boneless in the protective hold of his Sacred One.

Hephaestion saw and felt this change and, with little effort, turned Alexander toward him so that he was eventually laying on his back, and open to Hephaestion. This done, Hephaestion took a hand with it's strong, sure fingers and kissed each finger in turn. This could only elicit a quiet giggle from the subject of his affections, as he knew it would. It was a game they had played as young boys just learning each other's bodies, but it had evolved as they had gotten older, now meaning, "Even after all these years, I desire to know you as I once did."

Hephaestion left the fingers that he loved so much and moved down to Alexander's knees, where he knew Alexander was sensitive. Turning one knee outward and then the other, Hephaestion lowered his head to kiss the back of each knee, getting a bit off cry in response.

Hephaestion looked up to find Alexander biting his lip while his head lay on his pillow. He was swallowing convulsively and his breathing was labored. Noticing the signs of a visit from the gods, Hephaestion stopped what he was doing and crawled up the bed, putting a hand to Alexander's cheek, this touch reminding him that he was there.

"Xander? Are you well?"

There came the shake of the head, and Hephaestion was quick to take action. He shifted Alexander onto his side and made sure his head was cushioned on a pillow. That was all he could do before the seizure took a full hold and Alexander was gone, open eyes pleading with Hephaestion to take away the hurt.

"It will be all right, I'm here. Shh… shh…" Hephaestion knew not to touch Alexander when he was in the midst of a fit (years of experience had taught him that), but he often ignored that knowledge, just as he did now.

Hushing Alexander even though he knew Alexander could not hear him, Hephaestion cupped the back of his head and and laid his head on his shoulder. The shaking continued, but seemed to be less chaotic and hurtful to Alexander.

"Relax, shh… I have you. You are safe."

It took a few more seconds for the seizure to stop completely, and then Alexander sagged against his lover, Hephaestion taking all of his weight. Then came the heartbreaking sobs that seemed to follow every one of Alexander's episodes. Hephaestion could only rub his back and shush him quietly.

His power of speech taken by the episode as it was every other time, Alexander could only cover his mouth to try and mask what he believed to be gross-sounding sobs as they poured from him like sick. Hephaestion shushed him gently once more as he held him upright at the edge of their bed when he found that Alexander's now weak muscles could not work under their own power at the moment. Even so, Alexander tried to talk, hand grasping his throat and mouth open.

"Shh, do not try to talk. Let your muscles rest. I am here," Hephaestion had kept a steadying hand on Alexander's upper arm, and now gripped it slightly, the touch conveying reassurance to them both.

Ignoring him, as he often did, Alexander opened his mouth again.

"Here, here," seeing that his Sun had to tell him something and would not stop trying until he was successful, stubborn beyond all belief as he was, "Do you think you can write it down?" As he went to fetch a stylus and ink, as well as parchment. Alexander shrugged one shoulder, the movement sloppy, compared to every calculated, graceful movement he made on good days, his muscles still suffering from the aftermath of the seizure, "Try. It is okay if you can't."

Alexander struggled to wrap his fingers around the stylus, Hephaestion's own fingers moving to cover his from behind. This was meant only as a guide, and nothing else. They both knew this, and yet every time Hephaestion had to do this, the fight seemed to leave Alexander and he would break into fresh tears, this time of shame.

"Oh, agápi mou, There is no shame in this. It is just you and I here. Just you and I. You do not have to be strong for me. It's all right. Do you just want to sleep? I know how tired visits to the gods make you. Yes, let's do that, hm? Or do you want to trace?"

"Trace" was another one of their secret phrases. It simply meant that Alexander would draw what he wanted to say on Hephaestion's skin, and by following the motions of his finger, Hephaestion could figure out what he had wanted to say but had failed to through both speech and writing. This was usually a last resort for Alexander, but it was by far the most intimate of the three methods they had devised for communication after a seizure.

With just a simple look, Alexander told Hephaestion what he wanted, and needed. With a kiss to the brow that said, "I understand" and "It's okay," Hephaestion lay down on his side, offering his ribs to Alexander, knowing this was Alexander favorite part of him to "trace" his words onto.

Silently, with determined intent, Alexander bent over his lover and painstakingly wrote the words on his skin letter-by-letter, his hands shaking minutely. Hephaestion said each word aloud as it was written out, just as he always did. It was his way of making sure he understood what Alexander was trying to tell him.

" 'I am sorry'," he said, then looked up at his soulmate, who was looking down at him, "What are you sorry for, my love?" Alexander continued writing on his bare skin, " 'You suffer when I suffer. I can not tell you how much I love you without hurting you,' " Hephaestion sighed and looked back up at Alexander to put his fears to rest, "It is a hardship I gladly endure, Xander. Yes, it hurts me when you visit the gods because of your emotions, but that is only because of the fact that you are hurting. I know how much you love me even without the gestures or words. I always will. Now please, sleep some more. I can see how much the gods' visit exhausted you."

Alexander seemed to sigh in agreement, and then slowly crawled up the bed to collapse, allowing Hephaestion's arms to wrap around him once more. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Hephaestion watched him a moment longer, making sure he was truly asleep, and then he too lay down upon his own pillow. But not without a tracing of Alexander's ear that meant, "You are mine forever."

 **Translations:**

 **agápi mou = my love (Greek)**

 **AN: I used a translator, so I am sorry if the translation is wrong.**


End file.
